oung adults Catholics are legion. Statistical surveys indicate as much. Yet when I step over the threshold of my parish church, I see very few of my peers. This always disheartens me. Where have they gone? Why aren’t they here?

Maybe I should fault my father for urging me to stay Catholic, with or without my peers. He is the one who told me that god is all-powerful, loving and good, that God loves us and wants us to serve others and to be our best selves.

And the church itself did a pretty good job of appealing to my sense of loyalty. Growing up Catholic seemed to set me apart from the culture at large. It felt like belonging to an exclusive club whose members could distinguish what was popular from what was right.

… After a time, it seemed only natural to turn my scrutiny back on the very institution that fostered it. Many of my Catholic peers did that as well. As I began to question the church, I drew up a short list of disagreements… Ever since then, I have doubted my ability to be true to myself as well as to the church. I am not altogether sure what it means to be either — much less what it means to be both… Again and again, I see my peers choosing personal authenticity over church affiliation…

BUT THEN… here I am, staying Catholic. Left behind. Oh, sure, I’ve thought about leaving and, occasionally, I did distance myself from the Church…

I have never left for good, though. Sometimes I’m not altogether sure why I stay Catholic. But I stay. Maybe I remain out of pure stubbornness. Or perhaps I am plagued by some residual belief that God will like me better if I am catholic.

BUT I don’t think that’s it, because when I discuss the church with my peers, I find myself showing patient fidelity. I feel sad for those who have not found a way to stay.

In my quieter moments, I think there is ample reason to be… and stay Catholic. Here is why:

“Sometimes I’m not altogether sure why I stay Catholic. But I do… And I got reasons for it !”

“I do love the church ! If I didn’t, it would not have the power to disappoint me…”

1. My peers and I pulse with the conviction that there is meaning in relationships, in human connection… We long for intimacy. And although the church can be an inconstant lover, nevertheless being Catholic ties me to a community whose history and experience surpass my own. Over the long haul, fidelity to that community, even as it changes, reminds me that the world is larger than me. Gathering regularly in a place where the hopes and habits and needs are fused together safeguards me from unchecked individualism. It grounds me.

2. Being Catholic shapes and informs every aspect of my life. It helps me envision a world that is better than this one (some would call it “the Kingdom of God”), and to take an active part in bringing it about. Knowing that we are not yet there incites me to roll up my sleeves and get to work. Knowing that we all belong to God spurs me to treat others with compassion and honor…I find Good News in Christ, Good News I want to share with all peoples!

3. Finally, being Catholic reassures me that, in the end, the spirit will out — even if I cannot see how. I learned this from a 50-something Sister. She was an angry woman, at times enraged at the church. But when I asked her why she stayed, she smiled. Her eyes flashed mischievously. “Because the Spirit is stronger than all this crap,” she said. It is an exercise in humility for me to believe that.

… Being Catholic at 20-something is, well, lonely. I don’t have much company these days… Sometimes it feels useless. My cynical inner voice wonders every week if it is worth the effort… And then, just when I think I’m desperate enough to leave, I realize that there is no place I’d rather be. Hearing the Gospel inflames my heart. Singing the Litany of the Saints makes me feel encircled by faithful people who have gone before me. These are the times when I can take the long view. If I were to leave the church, I ask myself, what would I be leaving for ? …

So, despite our imperfections, we are muddling through. In the face of dizzying change and disagreement, we are trying to figure out what it means to be church together. Negotiating a balance is sometimes accompanied by a spectacular struggle. But at least it’s a sign of our effort… In the end, I do love the church. If I didn’t, it would not have the power to disappoint me…

I once asked a Catholic peer — one of the few remaining — why neither of us had jumped ship yet. “With all this grief, why do we stay?” He looked at me tolerantly. “Because we ARE Catholic”, he answered simply. It’s the best answer I’ve heard so far.

— KARLA MANTERNACH — Young Adult Ministry in Milwaukee